A Broken Heart

July 10, 2017  A BROKEN HEART

I’ve just attempted to read through 2 Chronicles 1-9. What it tells me is that You have the linage of people who were born into order.  Some were good, some were bad and disobedient, but God made each and the free will of our heart to follow You was available to each.  Some chose to and some did not follow you.  Sadly, the same is true today.  It is so easy now that Jesus came to follow You Father because He gave us grace.  His life gave us a way to be with You without the law of judgment.  He, precious Jesus, gave his life so we could have life.  He forgave sinners. He taught about His Father. He showed compassion, love emotion for others.  He was tempted by Satan.  He was loved by His disciple and hated by those who did not understand Him.  He was wise and spoke truth because He knew truth.  He knew the time of His life here, but He also knew the pain of departing from his earthly family.  He never quit His purpose.  Jesus gave us a path to salvation.  How can one not believe?  There is only one path – no other.  There is the Holy Spirit given to guide us in our life.  Three in one.  Thank You for faith and the promise of a home with you.  Father God, so many names in I Chronicler’s and so few who followed You.  Your heart must have been broken as I know you loved each.   You are love. 

Death is sad to those that are left, but glorious to those that go to Your home.  I thank You Father that You have this cancer under control.  I pray that I will live as if each day is numbered and with thankfulness for the joy of finding You in each part.

“Home. He knew the pain of departing His earthly family. ” My mom and I talked about death a lot. She never wavered. Around this time last year, were in Houston and got news the trail she was on did not work. The cancer had spread. My heart stopped. I felt that horrible gut punch and fear took over. How could I go on without my mom? She was my best friend, my rock, my mentor, my favorite person. Then the thought of my kids not having my mom was more than I could bear. I just did not understand why now. She looked at me and said, “Do you think God makes mistakes?! He knew the day I was born the day I was going home. This is not a game to Him, my time is coming for me to go home.” At that moment I did not want to hear it. I was scared, mad, full of fear. How would I navigate this world without my mom? Who would I call every morning, who would listen without judgement, who would push me, drink wine with me, keep me social, love my kids, remind me of what was really important in life. Fear is overwhelming. She told me I would be ok. She prayed over me. She held me tight. She did everything possible to make sure I would be alright. That was my mom, thinking of others even when she was dying. I think about her daily. I am grateful for the 41 years I had with her. I know in my heart God has a plan for each on of us. I know our days are numbered. The best gift my mom left was her faith and love for Jesus.

Where am I in 2 Chronicles? Am I just another name or am I living my life to love and serve others as I am called? I joke because I am an only child. My husband called is OCS syndrome. I find myself being selfish at times, think rules are good suggestions, and have a fear of stepping out of my comfort zone. I know God does not call us to be comfortable. I will honor You. I will make a difference in your Kingdom, because one day I will be home too.