A New Song

July 24, 2017           A NEW SONG

Going home is such a blessing for those with pain and long-term healing. God You know what is best.  Father God, let me realize that I don’t understand things in life like business reasons, health issues. God, I rest in the knowing You have the best answers and I pray to desire to be quiet and wait. Sometimes waiting on the Lord and the Holy Spirit for answers is hard, but oh so necessary.

Thank You for another perfect day yesterday.  I loved the sermon, golf, and friends.

How true about waiting on Your answers Father.  Waiting is necessary for You to start a new song in my life.  I must     

1. Stop fretting

2. Do good things now

3. Refuse to manipulate

4. Reject anger

5. Seek the Lord

May my life song be used in generations to come.  Sometimes it is good to be still and listen to You, Father God.  Please, Father, let me obey you.  Let me cause my will and desires to look for what You want me to be.  Let nothing be more important than seeking You with the moments of my life. 

I am a worrier. My mom said I would worry enough for her and myself. I have improved over the years, but I still feel and worry more than I care too at times. One of the blessings my mom gave me is she did not worry about dying. She never questioned God, she was not angry, she truly believed when He was ready for her she was going Home. I do not have that level of faith. I worried for her, I worried about my kids, my life, what life would look like without her. I was angry at times. I was frustrated and questioned.

The last week she was alive was rough. On Friday we went in for a routine fluid draw off her stomach… (this has been done numerous times in the past.) I asked to go back with her, the nurse said no problem. I sat in a cracked, dirty, nasty chair. I commented on how nice the building was, yet this room looked unsanitary (A lot different than MDA). The PA was late. He ran in, did a quick check on the sonogram machine to see where to put the needles, then stuck it in a couple times and re-positioned. He left, as if in a hurry, and let the nurse and her “trainee” finish the fluid draw. I remember leaving with a weird feeling… Mom, said, “It will be fine.” Mom had a great weekend, she ate, visited with friends and was doing well. Monday night, she went into intense pain. They called the ambulance and when I arrived in the ER, I could hear her in the last room in pain. It was awful. The ER doctor said she has punctured something and wanted to know if it was the cancer or something else. After scans it turned out she was septic. Her large intestine was punctured and there was nothing we could do…most likely from the withdraw Friday. He basically said, “You might have 5-7 days.”

D.A.Y.S. This was a gut punch like none other. Yet, she never waivered. She said, “Well, get my sister on the phone and lets pray me to heaven.” The pain was intense, she was ready. So we did. We called Aunt Judy, put her on speaker and prayed. My Aunt lives in Shreveport and wanted her to wait until she got there before they put her in a medical coma. For the next 12-15 hours we waited, she was on pain drugs most of the time, but I remember feeling every emotion possible. I was mad at the PA who did this, I was mad that God was putting her though so much pain, I was mad she was leaving me.

She met her heavenly Father a few days later. For some reason I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I pray for courage and faith like my Mom. I pray I live life to the fullest each day (or try) and not fear what is inevitable. What a blessing to know she knew where she was going. She was not scared. That is the best gift she could of every given me. I pray for a new song.